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A re you ready? The mansion ads the eighth fairway of a golf course in the exclusive Carlton Woods neighborhood in the heart of The Woodlands, the master-planned community thirty miles north of Houston. And now Theresa le me into the master bedroom. She pulls them open. The closet is three thousand square feet and three stories high, with the floors connected by a white spiral staircase.
On the third floor is her collection of furs: lynx, mink, chinchilla, beaver, white fox, raccoon, and rabbit. On one wall is a photo of Theresa dressed in silk lingerie, staring steamily into the camera—a photo she presented to her husband on her fiftieth birthday. On another wall is a photo of Theresa wrapped in a terry-cloth robe. Just six months earlier, I had never heard of Theresa Roemer. Dressed in one of her deer outfits and gargantuan high heels, she periodically drove herself to Houston charity events in either her white Rolls-Royce or her black Bentley.
She sipped champagne and posed for photos taken by the society photographers. Rumor had it that she had once won a Mrs. Texas contest and had co-authored a self-help book for women. One high-profile partygoer told me that she viewed Theresa as the classic wannabe, destined to remain shunted to the back tables at Houston galas that raise money for debilitating diseases.
The Houston news media pounced. Suddenly Theresa had become the most-talked-about social climber in Texas—maybe the entire country. It looked as if the burglar—there was no way of telling if the intruder was a man or a woman—was on a Saturday afternoon shopping trip to, well, Neiman Marcus. But two weeks later, the burglar, using a burner phone and a voice modulator, called a reporter for the Houston Pressan alternative weekly newspaper, and declared that some of the stolen jewelry was fake.
To prove his or her assertion, the burglar mailed the Press a few pieces of costume jewelry, which did indeed belong to Theresa. The deal never went through. Rumors were soon flying. After the theft, the rumors posited, the burglar had decided that he or she deserved a bigger payday and tried to blackmail Theresa, who refused to give in to the demands, which spurred the burglar to go to the Houston Press. There was also a rumor that sounded so preposterous that it made people laugh out loud: Theresa had been burgled by someone she knew, someone determined to humiliate her and expose her extravagant lifestyle.
Maximillian had made no secret of his dislike of Theresa and the money she spent. Unfortunately for Theresa, many people found the whole spectacle to be delicious summer entertainment. Although Maximillian, as part of the settlement, agreed to stop attacking Theresa online, dozens of other critics had no such constraints and posted their own comments lampooning Theresa and her closet on the Houston ChronicleCultureMapand Houston Press sites. She brought this on herself by bragging to the world. I do not feel sorry for her one bit. This is why they hate us. When I called her in December to request an interview, I assumed she would turn me down, tired of all the negative publicity.
And there are a lot of things that I want to do, by the way—a lot of things. After we finish the tour of the closet, she le me back down to the wine-tasting room, where dozens of expensive reds and whites hang on a rack that covers an entire wall. My philosophy is, we could all die tomorrow, so why not drink that bottle of wine right now? She was raised on a hardscrabble farm in Nebraska. For much of her childhood, she suffered from rheumatic fever. At school, kids laughed at her because she was so thin and lanky. They laughed even harder when she reached puberty and only her right breast managed to grow while her left breast remained flat.
She told her parents that she wanted to live in a mansion herself someday. Her father later moved the family to Wyoming. After graduating from high school, she married a couple of times the first husband drilled water wells; the second was a coal minergave birth to two children, went to a plastic surgeon to have her breasts fixed, and became a fitness instructor and bodybuilder, winning several contests.
She bought a health club and grew it into a chain with five locations around the state; she sold them in for what she says was a large profit. In Bally Total Fitness hired her to be a regional manager in Dallas, and in it transferred her to Houston. Theresa, who was then 42, rented a condo near the Galleria and bought a Mercedes. One man she met was Lamar Roemer, an easygoing, six-foot-seven former tennis pro he had played in the U.
Open and at Wimbledon who, after working for Exxon and other big companies, had struck out on his own and found a lot of oil. He gives Theresa a look and smiles happily. I guess you could say she was the yin to my yang. By Theresa and Lamar were married and living in a mansion in The Woodlands.
Lamar had wanted to move there, ironically enough, because his Memorial home had been burglarized. But Theresa adds that she wanted to be more than just another well-dressed, stay-at-home trophy wife. They are completely boring. Houston ant and later a Mrs. Texas ant put on by a small organization called United America. Theresa also supported numerous charitable causes.
She chaired the Montgomery County Heart Ball at a local hotel, she hosted other charity parties at her home, and she drove into Houston to mingle with the well-heeled socialites at their parties. A Saks executive mentioned to Louboutin that one of the women in the room owned 75 pairs of his shoes.
Louboutin demanded that she be seated next to him.What They Don't Tell You About Naked and Afraid
Then, in the spring ofshe and Lamar decided to move. It was just four doors down from the home where the Roemers had been living, which was a mere 12, square feet. As part of a multimillion-dollar renovation project, she hired Houston deer Thom Anderson, telling him she wanted the closet to look like a miniature Neiman Marcus and she wanted it roomy enough to host parties.
To me, the closet made perfect sense. But most of the comments were simply merciless. Yes, Theresa has spent a very large amount of money on her clothes and her closet. But people from that world spend a lot of money on a lot of things. As for Lamar, he tells me he has no complaints. Theresa says that of all the comments that were fired her way, the only ones that really hurt were those that allegedly came from Maximillian.
They also roll their eyes over the rumor that Theresa staged the burglary to get insurance money.
She says she is convinced that the thief went to the Houston Press to humiliate her. Indeed, Theresa is moving on. Theresa is also creating an iPhone app to help people donate to charitable organizations, and she is talking with investors about building a boutique hotel in The Woodlands. The New York public relations company she hired is taking her international: she has taped an interview with a German television crew and will soon be doing a segment for the British television travel series The Moaning of Life, which is produced by comedian Ricky Gervais.
And she is talking to a Hollywood production company that wants to feature her on a reality-television series. Who knows? Maybe she someday will become the Real Housewife of Houston.
Before I leave, Theresa drops one more bombshell on me. By Amy Weaver Dorning. By Daniel Vaughn. By Skip Hollandsworth. By Shawn Shinneman. By Taylor Prewitt. By Hannah Smothers.
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